Written by Tachiya Bryant
“I am honest to a fault but I think that honesty leaks through everything I do. I don’t lie about my struggles, I try not to hide my ugly parts and I think in this world where Photoshop and plastic surgery and filters are everywhere, a glimpse of honest human suffering is refreshing.”
While the world turns away from being honest about their internal struggles, Cyanhit has proved vulnerability is power. Honesty is their weapon of choice and has been sprinkled in every piece they’ve created. In Episode 2 of Locals, we had the opportunity to interview them, and I was enamored with the way they carried themselves. Though they seemed nervous at times, they spoke their truth with confidence. This confidence inspired me and made us want to learn more about Cynthia Gonzalez the person. At the end of the Locals episode, they opened up about their fear of losing access to studio spaces after graduating. With the cheapest studio space being nearly $2000, many artists are facing the obstacle of accessibility. These prices are often the same amount as rent in San José which is a luxury most can’t afford. I asked Gonzales about their thoughts on the cost of living and its effect on our art scene. They say: “Yes. Absolutely. There is a large exodus of creatives. Creativity is not valued here. There are only a handful of art galleries and sometimes it feels like the galleries are looking for creative people outside of San José. I know we are only a forty-five-minute drive from San Francisco and their art scene is bigger but I feel like as outsiders we are viewed as such.” I could imagine the frustration of a working artist having to stand out in a sea full of artists. In this case, being an outsider works in Gonzalez’s favor. With their distinct style, you can point out their piece in a sea of work. For instance, their piece, You will carry all the weight can easily be identified in Pyramid Scheme at Bass and Reiner. The exhibition is a melting pot of artists from all over the Bay Area in one room–which is as chaotic as it sounds.
While wrapping up their MFA degree at San José State University, we were able to talk about the importance of public programs and affordable education. Much of Cyanhit’s exposure was because of institutions like MACLA and SJMA offering spaces for youth to explore their creativity. They contribute most of their interest in ceramics to Michelle Gregor, an art professor at San José City College, who has quite the portfolio under her belt. I was surprised to learn how many public programs they had participated in. I wanted to know if these programs had paved the way for their pursuit of being an educator. Gonzalez stated: “Because of programs like the Teen Art Center (a previous program) at the San José Museum of Art, I knew that there was a path to take or multiple careers to choose from, but they also made it very clear that you didn’t need to have a certain path. I have been very driven to prove to myself that I can do school and that I am not stupid. I just wanted to see if I could. I knew that through school I’d have the facilities and the room to make how and what I wanted to make so I just had to.” The misconception in art spaces is that there are limited jobs in the field. There are various positions that allow you to immerse yourself in art without the entrepreneurial pressure of being a working artist. Gonzalez has found the balance between their art practice and the art of education. We had the pleasure of watching them in action in their classrooms and it seems as though they have a promising future as a professor. It seems as though Gonzalez keeps racking up accolades in education and art spaces. Even with their immense achievements, there is still a looming feeling of self-doubt. Gonzalez has been very vocal about their mental health achievements with their art. The use of their social media platform has opened the doors for more exposure to new audiences. With the indulgence of artists on platforms such as Instagram, it’s easy to feel behind they state: “Being a content creator can be soul-crushing. Acknowledging that everything you do is in the public eye free to be scrutinized by strangers, friends, and family is a tad overwhelming. I’m not a perfectionist. I am a self-described mess so organization is not my forte. Sometimes I use social media as a journal, an outlet of sorts but the public engagement or disinterest does get to me. I think it is a necessary tool and I use it often. It does get hard to make content when I become deeply immersed in the making. Or I sometimes become so focused on the documentation of the work in progress that I forget about the outcome. I’m trying to find a sweet spot but I haven’t yet.”
The additional pressures of maintaining engagement on social media can make an artist feel scared to get off the social media hamster wheel. Metrics can discourage creatives from pursuing their art careers. The phantom of inadequacy haunts talented artists like Gonzalez. Instead of allowing social media to defeat them, they use it as a tool and fight the inner critic by proving it wrong. There are many periods of self-doubt in an artist’s journey, but there are moments that remind you to keep going. Earlier this year, our newest ICA San José board member purchased Gonzalez’s entire collection at MACLA. They name this as one of the most meaningful memories in their career. They recall: “I’m still amazed that someone decided to buy a collection of my sculptures. I think having people you don’t know recognize you and tell you how your work has helped them, touched them, and made them feel seen is a big deal. I don’t think I’ve made it out of my current struggle, but I do believe I am becoming more seen. Slowly but surely, there are moments where I see tiny glimpses of hope.” As incredible as their work is, there is still a desire for validation. This goes beyond the need to be on the art radar. Gonzalez leaves a piece of themself in every piece they make. While the need for income is important, this gesture reminded them of their potential. Discovering the context of Gonzalez’s work, it’s hard not to see your childhood in these pieces. Regardless of upbringing, we have all experienced feeling inadequate–especially in spaces where it seems only the best get visibility. Gonzalez’s alchemical process through their art pinpoints those feelings and brings them to life. A look into their odd world is a step to understanding yourself. After a decade of pouring their heart and soul into their pieces, this is not their peak. I am excited to continue watching them elevate. Only time will tell if the elevation leads to a museum or national adornment through their content creation. I hope Cynthia Gonzalez encourages you to take a step away from tradition and explore the world outside of societal norms.
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